a year ago today

A year ago today, Josh had a stroke.

CRAZY.

it was an odd feeling standing there helpless as he slowly lost the use of his legs...then arms...then he couldn't talk, or focus his eyes. i knew it was serious but there was nothing i could do to stop it or help him.  it was an odd feeling knowing that my mom and could not get him to the car ourselves to take him to the hospital so we had to call 911.  it was an odd feeling sitting there waiting for the ambulance.  i would tell him everything would be ok and he couldn't respond.  he would try and talk and nothing would come out.  i remember seeing the frustration and worry in his eyes as we waiting.

i don't know if any of you have ever ridden in an ambulance.  i always thought that meant you ride in the back with the person that is hurt.  that wasn't the case for me.  i road up front in the passenger seat, in the bouncy seat constantly turning back to look through the window and look at josh.  i wanted him to know i was there, he didn't.

we got the hospital and though josh was able to talk again, he still had trouble forming sentences and remembering information.  it was up to me to provide his date of birth, address, full name, etc.  Apparently the only thing he was able to tell the EMT in the ambulance was that he was going to marry me.  We'd been dating 5 months at this point.  That's not very long for most standards.  Though I knew a lot earlier than I ever admitted that I would marry this man, it was on this day, in the emergency room, praying that he would be ok that I knew I'd be with him forever.

After his family came and tests were run, finally...about 4 hours after the episode he was back to normal and could have conversation with full sentences and remember facts.  They never found an exact cause but all his tests came back normal.  hopefully it was a freak moment and he won't have one ever again!

here's to another year stroke free!